Rediscovering Joy: A Journey of Self-Reflection, Resilience, and Faith

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In the winter of 2018, I found myself in an emotionally challenging place, feeling disheartened and discouraged. We had recently uprooted our lives (again!) to a new state that was experiencing one of the coldest winters in years, I had very few friends. The days were cold and dark and the boys continued to pass around every type of cold. The demands of raising four boys was high and my energy was low. I was feeling overwhelmed and exhausted, both physically and emotionally. The sense of isolation began to gnaw at my spirit. As the days passed, I struggled to find motivation and meaning, and know my purpose in this new place.

I’m normally a person who’s positive and sees the bright side, but I couldn’t in this season. What made it harder was comparing myself – to myself! The person I’d been just a year ago was so different than the girl I saw in the mirror.

The previous year was marked by remarkable growth and progress:

• I set big goals and accomplished most of them.
• I published a children’s book.
• My blog had a strong following.
• I loved my job and felt like I was making an impact.
• We lived in one of the most beautiful places in the world.

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Then all of that changed. We moved to a new place. I no longer wanted to set goals, to write, and was living in (what felt like) Antarctica.

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Isn’t life supposed to move up and to the right?

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It was certainly moving to the ‘right’ as time continued its relentless march forward. The “up” part seemed elusive. Why had things shifted so drastically from the year before?

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In my quest for answers and to regain a sense of equilibrium, I realized I needed to make some changes. It was time to unplug from the constant noise, to halt both the input and output, and just be. After all, we are human beings, not human doings.

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I took a break from writing and blogging. I removed Facebook and Instagram from my phone. I unsubscribed from the podcasts that left me discouraged and overwhelmed.

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Instead, I listened to positive music, I played with my boys, I read my Bible and a couple of encouraging, life-giving books. I carved out time to make new friends.

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To burst out of a cold, dark winter… Into the brightness and life of spring takes a lot of SHOVELING of gray thoughts that have become a blizzard in our minds… So thick we can’t even see our hands in front of our face.

Deb Freeman

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Through this process, I learned a valuable lesson: Life doesn’t always follow a linear path. It ebbs and flows, bringing both good and challenging times. It oscillates between loneliness and fullness, happiness and sadness. The lows serve to deepen our appreciation for the highs.

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Life is like a book. You take it one chapter at a time. Often one page at a time or one paragraph at a time. Some paragraphs are written better than others.

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What I WANTED my life to look like was different from ‘reality.’

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My previous assessment of life was a linear progression. Growth and more growth! Life and more life! Up and further up! Add, don’t subtract.

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However, I’ve come to understand that ‘reality’ is far more complex. Life involves a series of steps forward, interspersed with occasional steps backward, sideways meanders, and even ‘exhilarating’ loop-de-loops.

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In a world characterized by constant change, I’m thankful for a God who never changes. Who’s love is always certain.

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I am deeply grateful for the nourishing wisdom found in the pages of the Bible, for the solace and inspiration that uplifting books and music provide. My heart brims with gratitude for the friendships that have woven their way into my life and the ‘date nights’ shared with Ted at new restaurants. I’m grateful for the ways my boys make me laugh and how they teach me knew things. I love that nature soothes and time heals. Every day that passed made me stronger, more able to live in (and even love!) this new place.

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Look for the good, even in the dark. Once you train your eyes for little glimpses of goodness, you’ll get better at seeing them. 

Shauna Niequist

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Each of these elements brought me back to a place of joy. In the midst of this journey, I rediscovered that my truest calling was wife, mother, and cherished child of God. All other pursuits, at this moment in time, occupy the periphery.

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How about you? What sustains you during life’s challenging moments? Where do you find hope and support? I’d love to hear your thoughts. Please leave a comment by clicking on the little box by the title.

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Here are 2 books I found LIFE-GIVING:

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1. Anonymous by Alicia Britt Chole

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I opened the book and instant tears as I read:

“Have you ever moved to a new place or entered a new environment where no one knew who you were, what you could do, or what dreams ignite your soul?”

(How could this author read my mind?) She goes on to say:

“Have you ever moved from leader to learner?  Went from being sought out to left out? 

Potential seems to hibernate and you wonder if spring will ever come?  Praiseworthy strengths become dormant.

Did you realize that 90% of Jesus’ life was spent in obscurity? Only ten percent was in the public eye. And all of His life was indestructible.  When we state our desire to “be like Jesus” we are usually not referring to his anonymous years. Jesus hidden years empowered him to live an eternally fruitful life. 

Why would Jesus announce the birth of His precious Son with a full angelic choir, then hide this priceless Gift for three decades?  What is hidden is not unimportant.

For instance, when a baby is hidden in the womb, those months are priceless and formative. If the baby is removed from the hidden place, the results can be tragic.

Jesus’ hidden years gave him time to grow and become. It was sacred. Time for rest. Unapplauded but not unproductive. Hidden years are the surprising birthplace of true spiritual greatness.”

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The author suggests how to rest:

“Take long walks through the woods. Paint a picture no one will see. Watch the stars. Wander through an art museum. Play piano when only God can listen. Write in your journal. Plant a garden.”

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Savor the anonymous season. Respect it’s potential.

-Alicia Britt Chole

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This book was everything I needed for that challenging season. If you are in a “new, waiting, or starting over” season – Anonymous may be the perfect book for you!

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2. I Guess I Haven’t Learned That Yet: Discovering New Ways of Living When the Old Ways Stop Working by Shauna Niequist

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This book shares Shauna’s journey back to joy in the midst of some really challenging circumstances. Here are bits of advice she gives:

“Get outside and be on the lookout for beauty, especially in nature, read books for comfort. Fresh air helps everything. The world is still good, still beautiful, still interesting and worth savoring. God is still good, still faithful, still kind.

Keep walking, keep loving, keep writing, keep praying. Keep learning, keep forgiving, keep apologizing, keep moving forward. Keep inviting, keep listening, keep opening my arms to all of life.

It doesn’t help to pretend everything is okay. Tell the truth. Allow yourself to be supported by friends and family.

I trust more deeply in the goodness of God than I ever have. I’m more aware of the darkness and more grateful for the light.

I’m learning home isn’t singular. You don’t lose one, instead, your world and your heart expand with each new home and new set of experiences. The old ones stay and the new ones make your heart and your world bigger.“

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Both books brought me SO MUCH JOY as I realized I am NOT alone. Others have been through similar challenges and came out stronger. And God is always with me, cheering me on.

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