Today I have an amazing guest post from my friend, Robin Blonsky. Robin and I have been friends for over 20 years. Recently, we sat down and chatted over coffee. I had tears in my eyes as I listened to her share so vulnerably about what she’s learning about being a mother to teenagers. I asked her to write something for me to share with you … and I am HONORED that she said yes.
Here’s Robin’s powerful story:
Spring was beginning to bloom in Oklahoma and I couldn’t remember when I had anticipated a season more. I was looking forward to seeing the first leaves emerge on the new Tupelo tree in my front yard.
Inside of my home however, my relationship with my 16-year-old daughter Grace, was growing dormant.
Grace and I had been misfiring in our communication for well over a week. I could tell that our relationship was off and it seemed that she knew it too. However, coming off of a difficult few weeks myself, I honestly felt that I had no energy to deal with whatever was going on with her. We continued to drift apart with more misunderstandings and frustration.
Sure, I prayed over the situation, and over our family as I usually do, and then I did what any responsible mom would do…I tried to wait her out. After a few more days, I went to bed angry one night after being fed up with it all. I truly had no interest in initiating a ceasefire, but, I knew I needed to put my big girl panties on and be the parent in this situation. So, I started turning the situation over to God little by little as I drifted off to sleep, inviting His wisdom and timing into the equation.
I didn’t sleep well that night, but the next morning I woke up with a calm knowing that I needed to talk with Grace, starting with an apology for my part in being intense and nit-picky. She was stuck and I needed to help her get unstuck. And I needed to err on the side of mercy. Yay.
After I spent my quiet time with God, that’s when I had peaceful confirmation. In my devotions, I came across a passage that talked about how when children are the most unlovable and exasperating, that is often when they need love the most. I asked the Holy Spirit to help me, and then went on with my day.
When children are the most unloveable, that is often when they need the most love.
While I was out running errands, I picked up a special decorated cookie for daughter from a beloved bakery in town. My husband and I have been making more effort to celebrate any wins in our family with small rewards. The treat was for going on her first job interview recently.
The day flew by and before I knew it, my girls were home from school. I let them get settled and then approached Grace. She was parked at the kitchen table, working on her laptop. Her demeanor was frosty, and the leave me alone signal was strong. I approached her anyway and began the conversation in a relaxed manner. She shared about how her frustrations with me had accumulated into a big ball. I offered my apologies for being intense and critical when all I really wanted to do was connect.
As the frost began to melt, the cookie appeared along with a cold glass of milk. I started to speak life over her as the words tumbled out from my heart. How much I loved her, believed in her, was proud of her for facing her fears, how incredible she is as a person, and that I see her as a capable young woman. As we continued talking, she became pleasant again. As soon as we finished the conversation, we both moved on.
Friends, I certainly miss it some days, just as any of us do, but here’s one thing I am learning as I walk with God. When I bring my struggles to Him and seek His wisdom, He always meets me where I am at. If I will wait for His grace to act, His timing is just right on when, and how, I am to respond.
Just days later, I noticed that the leaves of my new tree are now appearing for the very first time! They only come out of their protective buds after testing the air to make sure the frost is gone. Just as my tree responds to climate conditions, so do our children as we set and protect the atmosphere of our homes with warmth and love.
Just as my tree responds to climate conditions, so do our children as we set and protect the atmosphere of our homes with warmth and love.
Robin Blonsky
No Comments