Today’s Family Tip: Don’t Compare Yourself to Others
God has placed unique gifts and talents inside you that the world needs. Don’t try to be like someone else, become the best version of YOU!
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Suggestions for how parents can help their children not to compare themselves with others:
Encourage your children to focus on their own progress and accomplishments to develop a stronger sense of self-worth and confidence. Acknowledge and celebrate the progress you see in them.
Every child is unique with their own set of strengths, gifts and abilities. Ask God to give you insight into how He’s made them, and share what you learn with your children. This will help them recognize and appreciate their own unique qualities.
Model for your children how to have appreciation for others’ successes rather than feelings of resentment.
Focus less on external markers of success (grades and achievements) and more on personal effort and growth.
Help your children set personal goals and strive for self-improvement. This fosters a growth mindset where they see challenges as opportunities for growth rather than threats to their self-worth.
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The world needs you to be who God created you to be!
Help your family remember that Thanksgiving is more than turkey and pumpkin pie with this fun and rewarding activity.
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If your children need a little motivation to make a gratitude list – call it a “Turkey Ticket” or “Pie Points” and in order to earn their turkey dinner – or dessert – list the ABCs of gratitude. It would be fun to save these and compare them year after year!
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ABCs of Thanksgiving
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On this Thanksgiving, embrace the beauty in simple moments. Remember that ordinary days have extraordinary blessings. Give thanks for what you have, and for the opportunity to make a difference and share God’s goodness with others.
Here’s an idea for you: Take your kids to the backyard and play a GAME together.
It’s a refreshing departure from the ever-encroaching high-tech world of gadgets, which often leaves little room for imagination.
Playing with your kids is an opportunity to move, laugh, and learn as a family.
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Here’s the good news, it doesn’t have to take all day. Just carving out 10 minutes to play strengthens the bond between parent and child and lowers stress and anxiety for all ages!
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The opposite of play is NOT work. The opposite of play is depression.
Dr. Stuart Brown
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Playing with your kids lowers your stress level and strengthens the bond with your kids! So, let’s embrace the enchantment of play and reap the joys it can bring to our lives.
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Need game ideas?
TAG!! Good, old-fashioned TAG! When my kids ask me to play TAG, I want to say: “No, I’m too old … too tired.” However, I push that feeling aside, realizing this is an opportunity to connect with my kids and burn some calories! You don’t have to play for HOURS! Usually in 5 to 10 minutes we are worn out from running and laughing so hard! Try it!
There are endless parenting books on the market – many good ones, a few really bad (or just plain BORING), and a few GREAT ones! Here are four of my favorites:
This book contains practical ideas and inspiration for raising boys who are honorable, courageous and compassionate.
“We need to start training them now to be ready to take the reins of leadership – to live with integrity, to think outside of themselves, and to value the people around them. We need boys who will use their strength for the protection of others rather than to prey on others. With power and strength comes great responsibility.”
I consider this a must-read for every Christian parent. It’s filled with page after page of Biblical truth and practical encouragement.
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We have this one life, this short time on earth to make our mark and to make life count. We have these children in our care for a blink of an eye. NOW is the time to be engaged and fully present. Now is the time to rise up and be the parent who trains and prepares our children to become the individuals they were created to be.
Susie Larson, author of Growing Grateful kids
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God promises to give wisdom if we ask him. We need wisdom because every child is different. The Lord will show you how to parent each of your children in a way that will help him or her to grow to be the person they were created to be.
This book was written by a parent and psychologist. I found it practical, extremely helpful, and even inspiring. I listened to the audiobook and enjoyed it so much that I went online and purchased a hard-copy. Topics include respect, chores, homework, helping your child deal with a ‘bad day,’ and building ‘faith practices’ in your home (though you don’t have to be a person of faith to find IMMENSE value in this book)! I highly recommend it to all parents.
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Unsure how to find grace and security in the complex world we’ve inherited, we try to fill up the spaces in our children’s lives with stuff: birthdays, lessons, rooms full of toys and equipment, tutors and therapists. But material pleasures can’t buy peace of mind, and all the excess leads to more anxiety—parents fear that their children will not be able to sustain this rarefied lifestyle and will fall off the mountain the parents have built for them.
Dr. Wendy Mogul, author of The Blessing of a Skinned Knee
To care for the physical needs of others while ignoring their spiritual needs is like giving a hamburger to a hungry man sitting on train tracks and not telling him a train is coming. The Bible calls Christians to care for both physical and spiritual needs, and ignoring either puts people in serious danger.
Natasha Crain, author of Talking to Your Kids about God
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Natasha Crain discusses the evidence for the existence of God, how science confirms the God of the Bible, how Christianity is different from other religions, and how all these things apply to us and the world around us. An excellent book for Christian parents who want to know how to answer their child’s questions. I recommend it to any Christian parent or parent who may be curious about God.
.Gratitude is a fundamental aspect of emotional intelligence and well-being, and teaching it to children can have long-lasting positive effects on their development and outlook on life.
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When you are grateful, an invisible blanket of peace covers you … it makes you happy, strong and warm.
Om Swami
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Cultivating a heart of gratitude in our children begins when we model what that looks like.
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Here are 10 ways to cultivate GRATITUDE in our children:
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Model It: Children often learn by observing the behavior of adults and caregivers in their lives. If you consistently express gratitude for the things you have and the actions of others, your children are more likely to emulate this behavior.
Talk about It: Verbalize your feelings of gratitude regularly. When you thank others for their kindness or acknowledge the positive aspects of your life, you demonstrate to your children the importance of acknowledging and appreciating the good things.
Teach the Value of Effort: Help children understand that many things they enjoy in life, whether it’s a meal, a clean home, or a loving family, require effort and work. Show them how to appreciate the effort that goes into providing these things.
Encourage Reflection: Encourage your children to reflect on what they’re thankful for. This can be done through simple conversations, a gratitude journal, or asking them about the best part of their day. This practice helps them become more aware of the positive aspects of their lives.
Give Back: Engage in activities that involve giving back to the community or helping those in need. Volunteering as a family can be a powerful way to show children the value of gratitude and compassion for others.
Limit Materialism: In a consumer-driven world, it’s important to teach children that happiness doesn’t come solely from acquiring material possessions. Emphasize experiences, relationships, and non-material aspects of life as sources of fulfillment and gratitude.
Be Patient: Developing a sense of gratitude is a process that takes time. Children may not always express gratitude naturally, so be patient and provide gentle guidance.
Avoid Comparisons: Discourage comparisons with others, as this can lead to envy and entitlement. Instead, focus on individual growth and the unique circumstances that make each person’s life special.
Celebrate Achievements: When your children show gratitude or acts of kindness, celebrate and reinforce these behaviors. Positive reinforcement can motivate them to continue being appreciative and kind.
Correct Missteps: If your child displays ingratitude or entitlement, use these moments as teaching opportunities rather than scolding. Explain why their behavior is not aligned with gratitude and help them understand the impact of their actions on others.
Incorporating these practices into your parenting can help instill a sense of gratitude in your children, which can contribute to their emotional well-being, resilience, and the development of positive relationships throughout their lives. Remember that modeling gratitude isn’t just about teaching a behavior; it’s about nurturing a mindset that can lead to a happier and more fulfilling life.
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Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever.
Psalm 107:1
Here’s an excellent, faith-based parenting *book on gratitude, full of practical applications and real-life stories:
It is very important that children learn from their fathers and mothers how to love one another – not from school, but from you. It is very important that you share with your children the joy of that smile. There will be misunderstandings, every family has its cross, its suffering. Always be there first to forgive with a smile. Be cheerful, be happy.
Mother Teresa
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In matters of style, swim with the current; in matters of principle, stand like a rock.
– Thomas Jefferson
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When raising children, it’s best to spend on them half as much money and twice as much time.
– Dear Abby (Abigail Van Buren)
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Before I got married I had many theories about bringing up children. Now I have many children and no theories.
John Wilmot
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Mama, where you are weak, He is strong!
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There was. time when we expected nothing of our children but obedience, as opposed to the present, when we expect everything of them but obedience.
– Anatole Broyard
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We spend the first 12 months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk, and the next 12 years telling them to sit down and shut up.
– Phyllis Diller
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Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them.
– James Bladwin
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Outings are so much more fun when we can savor them through the children’s eyes.
– Lawn Blackwell
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We cannot always build the future for our youth, but we can build our youth for the future.
– Fanlkin D Rossevelt
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Your children need your presence more than your presents.
– Jesse Jackson
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If you want your children to keep their feet on the ground, put some responsibility on their shoulders.
– Abigail Van Buren
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Even as the cell is the unit of the organic body, so the family is the unity of society.
– Ruth Nanda Anshen
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A good home must be made, not bought.
– Joyce Maynard
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In the name of God, stop a moment, cease your work, and look around you.
– Leo Tolstoy
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What we have done for ourselves alone dies with us, what we have done for others and the world remains and is immortal.
– Albert Pike
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If you send out good people into the world, you know you’ve done something good.
– Carl Reiner
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“…The Mother is the one supreme asset of the national life. She is more imoprtant, by far, than the successful statesman, or businessman, or artist , or scientist.”
You don’t have to spend a lot of money on Christmas to make it memorable. Get a game or two and PLAY together. Your kids will remember your PRESENCE more than your PRESENTS!
Teenagers may act like they aren’t interested at first, but if you set the game up and ask them to play “just one round,” many will do it.
There is SO MUCH VALUE in playing games with our kids. You learn together, laugh together, and just get to BE TOGETHER.
This game will have everyone cracking up. It’s similar to Apples to Apples (which is another fun game) but with PICTURES. You pick the best words to go with the “Meme.”
This is a fun and easy-to-play game for kids and adults of all ages. You just have to SPOT something matching on the card you are holding with the card on the top of the deck. If you are the first one to spot a match, you get the card. The person with the most cards wins!
This isn’t a board or card game, but is basically a ‘charades’ or guessing game you can download on your phone. It’s super handy if you have a long wait with your kids!
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Does your family have a favorite board game? Leave a comment!
Handing your kids a phone of their own is a big deal. You’re handing access to nearly everything in the world – the best and the worst. A phone can be helpful in many ways, and can be harmful in many other ways.
My recommendation is to hold your children off from getting a phone of their own as LONG as possible. The older and more mature they are before getting a device, the wiser they will be with their words and actions.
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What your child posts online may be more permanent than their permanent record. What they watch online may have a permanent impact.
Parent Cue
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5 questions to discuss before giving a child a phone:
1. What you post is public, even when you may think it’s private. It can be permanent. What are some examples of this?
2. Have you seen people say something online that they would not say to someone’s face? Why do you think that happens?
3. How are in-person relationships affected by devices for good or bad?
Examples for good: Connecting with family or friends who are far away.
Examples for bad: bullying or spending too much time on your phone and less time face-to-face
4. Who do you/would you like to follow online?
5. What rules do you think we need to put in place to keep you safe and monitor your time online?
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Cell phone contract to review and sign together:
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Parents, let your kids know from the beginning that you will be checking their phone periodically. This builds some accountability and may help them ’think twice’ about what they do on their phone. My son’s received texts that I’m so glad I saw. It has led to several teachable moments. .
Also, I’d recommend your child charge their phone anywhere but their bedroom overnight. A middle school teacher told me:
If I could make a rule for all kids with phones, it would be to keep it out of their bedrooms at night. Kids are sleep-deprived because they’re on their phones past midnight on school nights and parents have no idea it’s happening,
Heidi Pitzenberg
What are your thoughts about children and cell phone use? Are there resources you use that help you navigate this new world?
This was the text I received on a Friday afternoon from my sister, Krista, about her 4-year-old daughter.
After receiving that horrific text, I immediately called my sister. She did not answer. Her husband Nate did not answer. They were camping in Michigan and I didn’t know who else to call to find out what had happened and if my niece was alive.
I tried not to panic as I said a prayer for God to heal little Lily.
I asked for a miracle.
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Krista finally called me back and said Lily was alive and they were in an ambulance, headed to the hospital. Lily wanted to talk to my son Luke.
I tearfully and happily handed the phone Luke.
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Here is Lily’s story in Krista’s words:
It was a great day in South Haven. We had breakfast and enjoyed the morning together. Later, I had a bad headache so I laid down to try to sleep it off. While falling asleep, I dreamed of Lily being hit by a car (not normal for me to imagine anything traumatic). I prayed about it and fell asleep. I woke up and went for a run.
I came back to the kids playing and Lily chalk-coloring next to our camper.
I went inside to change clothes, leaving the door open. I looked out just in time to see a truck drive right over Lily. The front and back tires of an extended cab hauling truck drove over my daughter. The truck laid Lily flat – TWICE. It rolled over her head and back.
I screamed and was in shock. I couldn’t move. Nate (my husband, Lily’s dad) went running towards the kids. Nate did not know what happened until after he picked Lily up. She was spraying urine through her clothes.
I had to tell myself to keep it together, to think, to breathe, to be strong for Lily and my other kids. Lily asked me to sing the “Jesus” song.
I’m on the worship team at church and she attends practice with me. She has her own little microphone and hopes to play drums one day. The “Jesus” song is called Tremble, and is our favorite song. All she wanted was for me to sing that song.
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Kate (Lily’s 11-year-old sister) laid hands on her and prayed. So simple, so powerful, our only hope.
It was hard keeping Lily awake through the ambulance ride to the children’s hospital (a 45-minute ride). We FaceTimed the people she wanted to see: Papa, grandma, Luke (her cousin), and eventually she asked to stop talking and just sing.
We arrived to a level 1 trauma children’s hospital. There were 20 people of all of different pediatric specialties in the room moving around quickly. A social worker was on me like honey in a hive. Once the social worker assessed Nate and I, she let the other kids in the ER room. She helped care for the kids, getting them snacks and settled. Jack (9-year-old brother) said she was the nicest lady he’d ever met. The social worker was so good with Lily, getting her excited about a blanket she would get to keep, that she would have breakfast in bed, and get special jammies.
Krista and Lily
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While wheeling Lily to her room, Lily said “all the doctors are so nice.” There were lots of concerns over her, one being her bladder and bowels since she wet herself when the truck rolled over her. There was blood all over her vulva . She refused to use the bed pan or the portable potty . She was put on bed rest until morning when the pediatric orthopedic surgeon looked at her x-rays and injuries.
The next day, the pediatric orthopedic surgeon came in.
He said to Lily, “Where do you hurt?” She said so sweetly “I don’t really hurt anywhere”.
He said “Well, aren’t you super woman.” She giggled. Nate and I said,
‘She’s a miracle.”
He agreed.
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They found one broken pelvic bone that would heal on its own. They gave her a walker and released us. The only medicine they gave her was a dose of Tylenol.
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I had a burden to go back to camp as a family to hopefully close the door to fear and find the woman who ran over her and let her know Lily would be ok. I would never want to be in her shoes and I would personally have a hard time living with myself never knowing the end of the story.
Going back was hard, and healing. Seeing Lily’s chalk art drawings, the smashed chalk, reliving the horrible memories.
Thankfulness and gratitude gets me through. I don’t try and push them away, I let it come in waves. Knowing I get to hold her makes the healing salve of gratitude cover the horror and pain of memories and thoughts of what she endured.
That night, Lily slept great. She woke up and played monopoly with all of us (a game we started the day the truck drove over her).
She said, “I have no pain. I don’t even feel like I have a broken bone”.
I can’t tell you what a miracle this feels like when I saw the accident and see her bruises, tire marks across her shirt, road rash, and bruised swelling all through her back and spine.
When we got back to Indiana, Lily’s dance pictures were waiting for us in the mail. I reminded her she would be back dancing in no time! She fell asleep watching Dancing with the Stars with me and Kate.
Nate and I were taught in counseling to ask God where He was in traumatic times or wounding memories. Nate and I both prayed and we both had pictures and answers. I saw and heard God say:
“I was holding her head in the palm of my hands.”
Nate felt like God said:
“I was moving her out of the way.”
Lily is all smiles and says she has no pain, even though her body tells a different story.
Today when I asked her if she felt anything when the truck rolled over her. She looked at me and pointed to her head and said:
“I felt God here. It felt like feathers.”
I was in tears when she spoke these words. I pray Psalm 91 over my children.
Psalm 91 tells us..
“He will cover you with his feathers, under his wings you will take refuge.”
I’m grateful to God, the One who not only holds the world in His hands and moves mountains, but holds my daughters head and moves her little body.
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Here’s our favorite song, Tremble:
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Today Lily is seven years old. It’s been exactly 3 years since her accident. She dances, runs, smiles constantly, and brings joy to all who know her!
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Lily and Kate7 year old LilyDancing Queen
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I share this story to reinforce a few things:
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1. Pray scripture over your children.
Psalm 91 is a collection of verses that our family has prayed for generations. It specifically says, “He (God) will cover you with his feathers, under His wings you find protection.” God answers our prayers! It’s especially powerful to pray Scripture.
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2. Sing songs of faith.
Find songs to sing with your family that will build your faith.
Below is a song called ‘Lily’s song’ – it was one of her favorites because it had her name. She would sing along to these words:
I will not die, I will live. I will tell of the works of the Lord and sing of his wonders.’
The Bible tells us that our days are appointed. We don’t have to live in fear of the future. God has a plan for your life and the lives of each of your children and His plan is GOOD.
“Your eyes saw my body even before it was formed. You (God) planned how many days I would live.”
Psalm 139:16
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
Jeremiah 29:11
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Cousins
Prayer:
Dear Lord, Thank you for the miracle you performed for Lily and for the ones you perform in my life (and the lives of my children). Help me to trust you and not fear the future. In Jesus’ name, Amen
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Psalm 91 – Insert your name and pray this for yourself and your family members. I challenge you to memorize it.
Psalm 91
1 Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.[a] 2 I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.”
3 Surely he will save you from the fowler’s snare and from the deadly pestilence. 4 He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. 5 You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day, 6 nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday. 7 A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you. 8 You will only observe with your eyes and see the punishment of the wicked.
9 If you say, “The Lord is my refuge,” and you make the Most High your dwelling, 10 no harm will overtake you, no disaster will come near your tent. 11 For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; 12 they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone. 13 You will tread on the lion and the cobra; you will trample the great lion and the serpent.
14 “Because he[b] loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. 15 He will call on me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. 16 With long life I will satisfy him and show him my salvation.”
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Thank you for reading this beautiful, miraculous story! I hope it encouraged you. Please share.
Ted found this list on Twitter, copied it to a word document and printed it out for each of our boys. After they read it, we talked about what stood out to them. We also discussed which of these we do well, and which ones we could work on.
I thought you might enjoy reading this, and perhaps you’ll want to print it to read and discuss with your family. Feel free to share this post!
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15 “old fashioned” ways to stand out in life:
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1. Handwritten Notes:
Handwritten notes have sadly become a rarity in the digital age. Emails and texts lack personality—handwritten notes exude a raw authencity that fosters connection. Use them for: Thank yous, follow ups, letters to loved ones…AND nice penmanship is a plus!
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2. Be True to Your Word:
When you say you’re going to do something, follow through. Being true to your word builds trust and deep relationships—personally and professionally. The recipe is simple:
(1) Say what you’re going to do
(2) Do it
(3) Repeat
Your word is your bond.
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3. Be on Time (or early):
Take pride in punctuality. Being on time (or early) for your commitments is a clear show of respect to the other people involved.
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4. Good Posture:
Strong posture is a physical and mental unlock for life. It’s linked to a variety of health benefits, including healthier muscles and joints, higher energy levels, and more. It also improves self-confidence—and how others perceive us. Stand tall to stand out.
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5. Smile at Strangers:
It used to be considered common courtesy to smile and say good morning to people on the street. But somewhere along the line, it became “weird” to do so. Smile at people, say hello, give a warm head nod. It might even make them more likely to pass it on.
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6. Hold the Door:
Holding the door for others was a simple point of good manners taught to many of us as children. Sadly, it seems like a lost art. It’s a habit worth reviving: When you go through a door, hold it for the next person—smile and say hello. Small acts go a long way.
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7. Express Gratitude:
Life gets so much better when you really lean into gratitude. Create a daily gratitude practice—write down 3 things you’re grateful for every night before bed. Tell someone how much you appreciate them. Don’t wait to show gratitude until it’s too late.
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8. Help Someone in Need:
When I was a kid, I was always taught to offer up my seat for anyone in need. The lesson extended to other areas of life. It’s easy to do—and so important. Help someone with their suitcase, walk someone across the street, buy someone a donut and coffee. (Click here to read 21 small ways to make a big difference)
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9. Listen More than You Speak:
“We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.” — Epictetus
If you want your words and ideas to be heard, start by talking less and listening more. You’ll find more power in your words. Talk less to be heard more.
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10. Say Someone’s Name:
Calling someone by their name is an easy way to build a bond. When you meet a new person, make a point to remember their name. If it’s a difficult one, ask how to pronounce it. Say it back in conversation so it sticks.
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11. Eye Contact:
Eye contact builds trust. When you’re listening, look them in the eye. It shows presence, focus, and respect. When you’re speaking, eye contact can be organic (to avoid being intense). It’s ok to gaze off to think, but use eye contact to emphasize key points.
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12. Apologize Effectively:
When you screw something up, be accountable and own it. Admit you’re wrong and apologize. All apologies should be direct and specific—acknowledge exactly what you did, why it was incorrect, and how it will be remedied. It’s the only way to move forward.
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13. Work Hard:
Hard work stands out in a world where everyone wants to call it overrated. Take pride in working hard—show up and do what you say you’ll do. Always look for ways to work smarter, but if you’re striving for great things, you have to work hard.
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14. Confident Handshake:
Handshakes fell out of favor due to COVID—some said they would never return. I don’t believe it. If handshakes are a trust-building part of your culture, take pride in them. Look the person in the eye, smile, and deliver a confident (but not hard) grip.
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15. Be Kind:
Kindness is somehow severely underrated. It fosters relationships, reduces stress and anxiety, and improves overall happiness. When you are consistently, genuinely kind, you become a magnet for the highest-quality people.
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