Get your Happy On – 7 tips for more JOY!

1. Pay attention to what you are paying attention to.

Do I spend more time thinking about my disappointments or counting my blessings?

Am I paying more attention to what’s going wrong than to what’s going right?

What we focus on matters.

Our brains are constantly changing through a process called neuroplasticity. Moment by moment, our thoughts, experiences, and what we consume influence the way our brains develop and respond. What we repeatedly dwell on can strengthen certain thought patterns—either helping us or hurting us.

And it happens gradually, much like gaining weight. One unhealthy meal doesn’t make a difference overnight, but repeated choices add up over time. Our thought patterns work the same way.

We Are Sponges

We soak up what we see, hear, and think about. And our kids are especially good at it.

That’s why being intentional about what we allow into our minds.

Proverbs 4:23 reminds us, “Be very careful what you think. Your thoughts run your life.”

It’s easy to magnify the minuses and overlook the positives. Our brains naturally tend to notice what is negative, which makes it even more important to become aware of where our thoughts are going.

When we constantly focus on what’s wrong, the problems can begin to feel bigger than they actually are. But when we intentionally look for what is good, we begin to notice more of it.

So What Can We Do?

We can be intentional about what we read, watch, listen to, and think about.

Fill your mind with the good stuff.

Look for the blessing in the middle of the disappointment. Notice what is going right, even when something else is going wrong. Choose gratitude. Spend time in God’s Word. Surround yourself with people and messages that point you toward hope.

As Tommy Newberry puts it:

“Glance at problems, glare at God!”

The problems are real. We don’t have to ignore them or pretend everything is fine.

But we can choose where we keep our eyes.

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2. Notice the GOOD!

We can get so used to our blessings that we stop noticing them.

Think about the things you probably didn’t think twice about today: turning on the faucet and having clean water, climbing into a soft bed, and having food in the refrigerator.

Some of the greatest blessings in our lives can become the easiest to take for granted.

That’s why gratitude takes intentionality.

Research suggests that practicing gratitude regularly can improve well-being and increase positive emotions. Gratitude helps shift our attention toward what we do have rather than constantly focusing on what we’re missing.

Make Gratitude a Habit

Try keeping a gratitude list or journal. Each day, write down three things you’re thankful for. They don’t have to be big things. In fact, noticing the ordinary blessings may be the most powerful part.

• A hot cup of coffee
• A good conversation
• Your favorite song
• A hug
• A sunset
• A home
• Your marriage
• A friend who checked in

And when you’re having a hard day, go back and read your list.

Gratitude doesn’t mean ignoring what’s difficult. It simply reminds us that what’s hard isn’t the only thing that’s true.

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3. Each moment is a new beginning

Each day, each MOMENT, is a new beginning.

You don’t have to carry yesterday’s frustration into today. You don’t have to stay angry about the argument you had yesterday, replay the disappointment, or let one difficult interaction determine how you feel about someone today.

Start over.

Lamentations 3:22–23 gives us this beautiful reminder:

“It is because of the Lord’s lovingkindnesses that we are not consumed, because His tender compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great and beyond measure is Your faithfulness.”

His mercies are new every morning. What a gift!

When we continually hold onto anger, resentment, or negative thoughts about someone else, we hurt ourselves in the process. What we dwell on affects our own peace, joy, and ability to move forward.

So what if you gave yourself permission to let go?

You don’t have to pretend the hurt didn’t happen. But you can choose not to keep carrying it.

Yesterday is over. This moment is new. And you get to choose how you move forward.

As Joe DeSena puts it:

“Hate is a boomerang. If you spew it toward others, it comes back and creates self-loathing.”

Sometimes improving the moment means simply saying, “That happened. I’m going to learn from it, give it to God, and begin again.”

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4. Spend time with people who make you better.

The people we spend the most time with influence us more than we realize.

If you want to grow in a particular area of your life, spend time with people who are already doing that thing well. Their example, encouragement, and perspective can challenge you to grow.

The opposite is true, too. If we consistently surround ourselves with negativity, complaining, or unhealthy attitudes, it can start to shape the way we think.

I learned this lesson years ago when I had a good friend who regularly talked negatively about her husband. Without even realizing it, I started looking for negative things about my own husband so I could relate to her.

Yikes!

That experience made me realize just how easily the attitudes of the people around us can influence our own thoughts.

So be intentional about your people.

Spend time with people who love you but also challenge you to become the best version of yourself.

• As I try to be a good mom, I spend time with moms I admire—women who have raised kids I respect and who have wisdom I can learn from.
• Because I want a strong marriage, Ted and I spend time with couples who value their marriages, work through hard things, and continue to choose each other.
• When I want to grow in my faith, I spend time with people who challenge me spiritually and point me back to God.

You don’t have to find people who have it all figured out. Find people who are growing and who encourage you to grow, too.

Proverbs 27:17 says:

“Iron can sharpen iron. In the same way, people can help each other.”

The right people won’t just make you feel comfortable. They’ll make you better.

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5. Our current Emotions are not FACTS, they are FEELINGS

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Have you ever had a day when you felt like everything was going wrong? That’s the tricky thing about emotions.

Our feelings are real, but they aren’t always facts.

Emotions can give us information about what we’re experiencing, but they are subjective. Two people can experience the same situation and walk away feeling completely different things.

You are not your feelings. You are more than what you feel in a particular moment.

Life is a mixture of good and hard. Sometimes our emotions become so loud that they drown out everything else.

• You can feel discouraged and recognize you have a good life.
• You can feel disappointed and still be deeply blessed.
• You can feel overwhelmed and still be capable of taking the next step.
• You can feel angry without allowing anger to determine what you say or do.

When you are feeling flooded with negative emotions, pause and ask yourself:

What is actually true? What is good? And what can I do about what I’m facing?

Instead of allowing your thoughts to spiral, intentionally redirect them toward things that are constructive:

• Blessings: What can I be thankful for right now?
• What I can fix: What is actually within my control?
• Scripture: What truth does God want me to remember?
• Service: Is there someone I can encourage, help, or serve?

You don’t have to deny your feelings. Acknowledge them, learn from them, and then decide what you want to do with them.

Proverbs 15:15 says:

“The cheerful heart has a continual feast.”

You may not be able to choose every feeling that shows up, but you can become more intentional about what you feed your mind and where you direct your attention.

Sometimes improving the moment starts with asking one simple question:

“Is what I’m feeling the whole story or just one part of it?”

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6. Start your day with JOY

How you start your morning can influence the way you approach the rest of your day.

Before the notifications, demands, and distractions begin, take a few minutes to intentionally put something good into your mind.

This is an Early Morning Joy Ritual (EMJR): a simple habit designed to remind you of what is good, true, and worth being grateful for.

Your ritual doesn’t have to be long. Even five minutes can make a difference.

Try starting your day by:

• Writing down 2–5 things that bring you joy. They can be big blessings or simple things you’re looking forward to.
• Reading a positive quote or choosing one to memorize and carry with you throughout the day.
• Speaking a daily declaration over yourself. I’ve shared some of my favorites here.
• Reading or memorizing Scripture and allowing God’s truth to be the first thing that shapes your thoughts.

The goal is to begin the day looking for what is good before your mind has a chance to focus on what is wrong.

Joy doesn’t always happen by accident.

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7. Be on the LOOKOUT for good!

We have approximately 50,000 thoughts a day – 90% are repeats.

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What I’m thinking about today predisposes me to repeat those thoughts tomorrow. If I’m thinking mostly negative today,  I’m more than likely going to do the same tomorrow.

In a previous post, I wrote about how we use our “Awesome Jar” to help us notice the GOOD that happens each day. We put notes in the jar of things that are “awesome” The jar forces us to look for what is going right and to talk about!

You will always find good if you look for it.

Philippians 4:8 gives us a beautiful picture of where to direct our thoughts:

“Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”

You will find more of what you intentionally look for, so be on the lookout for good.

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Which of these tips resonates with you?

What are you reading/watching/listening to that brings you joy? Please leave a comment by clicking on the little comment box by the title of this post.

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Do you need a daily dose of JOY!? Here are a couple of products I recommend:

1. The Joy Challenge for Moms

An easy, daily, devotional-style book – written by women and for women! Read this for a little “joy boost” each day.  

2. The 4:8 Principle: The Secret to a Joy-Filled Life, by Tommy Newberry

This book helps readers to intentionally focus their thoughts on what is true, good, beautiful, and worthy of praise. The book connects our thought patterns to greater joy and teaches practical ways to redirect negative thinking toward a more positive, faith-filled mindset.

3. Love Does, by Bob Goff 

Bob Goff’s stories are funny, memorable, and inspiring, and they made me want to be more intentional about saying yes to opportunities to love people well.

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Struggling with fear? Here are 12 verses that build your faith and fight fear.

Here is a Daily Declaration that we have printed on the fridge.

Here’s a beautiful story of my boys FINDING GOOD because they were on the HUNT for it!

Here are 7 Simple Ways to Improve the Moment!