Helping Kids Through Bullying: What Parents Can Do

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Not long ago, one of my sons started getting bullied on the bus. It wasn’t just teasing, he was being threatened. This other boy told my son that he should be dead, that no one liked him. Words like that cut deep, and no parent ever wants their child to hear them. When our son finally told us, my husband and I were heartbroken.

We didn’t know the boy, but we got his name and reached out to the principal, and we encouraged our son to talk with the bus driver as well. Soon after, while volunteering at school, I was assigned to interview students for an upcoming BizTown field trip. I looked at my list of names and froze – the first child I was scheduled to interview was the very boy who had been bullying my son.

I could not wait to see this kid.

As he struts in to the conference room, the first thing I notice is that he’s probably the biggest, toughest looking kid in school.

I reach out my hand and introduce myself. He hears my name and realizes that I’m the mom of the kid he’s been teasing. He gives me a soft hand shake, keeps his eyes down, and responds with a quiet, “Nice to meet you.” 

Mama Bear thoughts roll through my head like: I should make this interview really tough. I should ask him why he thinks it’s okay to bully smaller kids.

But something in me shifted. I knew that hurt people often hurt people, and I wanted to understand why.

As we talked, the tough exterior cracked. 

I see on his “application” that he wants to work for a specific company and I ask him why. He lets me know its because his mom works for that company.

“What does your mom do there?” I ask.

“Well, I’m not really sure because she has a new job. Her boss was mean to her at her old job.” 

“That’s hard,” I respond empathetically. “Have you ever had someone be mean to you?” 

“Yeah….” he says slowly and stops for a moment.

Tears fill his eyes as he says: “Kids say things that hit me where it hurts.”

And then tears start rolling down his cheeks.

Here is the biggest, toughest kid in school crying.

My heart immediately breaks for him. I find some tissues and tell him that I’m sorry that is happening to him. I ask if he has anyone to talk to about this.  

“Yeah,” he replies, “my dad died a year ago so I have a counselor and we talk about stuff.”

‘Wait … Your DAD died?!’ I think to myself… Oh my goodness! This young kid has been through so much.

Again, I tell him that I’m so sorry. During our ‘interview’ I find out that:

• He doesn’t have any brothers or sisters.
• He’s a ‘latch-key’ kid. He gets off the bus and goes home and hangs out by himself until his mom gets home from work.
• He just got a cell phone and loves talking to people on the phone.

“Well,” I replied, “if you wanted to share your number with my son, we could keep in touch with you. You are welcome to come our home and hang out with our family.”

His face lights up with a smile, “I’d like that!”

We end the interview and he leaves smiling.

When my son got home that afternoon he says, “The weirdest thing happened on the bus today. You remember that kid who was always mean to me? Today he asked if we could sit together and he gave me his number.”

“Wow, that’s awesome!” I respond…. “Let’s call and invite him over.”

What started with bullying, has led to a friendship. Ted and the boys play basketball and football with him. We’ve gotten to watch him grow and heal.

I would not have gotten to know this kid if he hadn’t been a bully to my son.

Our pain revealed another person’s pain.

One conversation changed the trajectory of the relationship.

If you have a child who’s being bullied, don’t hesitate to let someone know. First, commend your child for telling you, then get a teacher, bus driver and/or principal involved. And if possible, try to get to know the BULLY, there’s probably something missing in his (or her) life and perhaps YOU can help!

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If your child is being bullied, here are a few things that can help:

• Commend them for speaking up. It takes courage for a child to admit they’re being hurt.
• Get others involved. Teachers, bus drivers, and principals need to know what’s happening.
• Remind your child of their value. Tell them often that they are loved by you, by your family, and most importantly, by God. Their worth is not defined by cruel words but by the truth that they are wonderfully made.
• Pray together. Prayer can bring comfort, healing, and strength for both you and your child.

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Sometimes, behind a bully is a hurting child who needs compassion as much as correction. Our pain can open our eyes to the pain of others. My hope is that you and your child can find hope, healing, and maybe even friendship.

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Click here to read some ways to read how to deal with a difficult person.

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Here are 12 verses to replace fear with faith.

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